Sunday, December 5, 2010

By the Time you Read This



By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead by Julie Anne Peters


ugh! I can say that this whole year of 2010 there as never been a book that pissed me off the way this one did. It was a good read but it left so many loose ends, my fingers are tingling from the rage of not having another page to turn to find out what happen to Daelyn and Santana. I mean really, she walked into the light! There is one of two ways that that can be interpreted, she could have committed suicide or she could learn to exist as she is. What she chooses is not there and it is driving ...more ugh! I can say that this whole year of 2010 there as never been a book that pissed me off the way this one did. It was a good read but it left so many loose ends, my fingers are tingling from the rage of not having another page to turn to find out what happen to Daelyn and Santana. I mean really, she walked into the light! There is one of two ways that that can be interpreted, she could have committed suicide or she could learn to exist as she is. What she chooses is not there and it is driving me insane! I hate open ended books.

The plot is good and addicting, the idea of a count down is unique and rarely done the way Peters does it. The main character, Daelyn Rice is torn up and tormented inside from years of neglect from her parents, from the brutalness of school and life. From the pure frustration of not being enough to just fit in. She has been teased and tormented her whole life and she knows the way that for sure will make it stop. At least it will if she can get it right. Daelyn has known from the age of ten that she has wanted to die. Her attempts to carry it out have failed so far and she is determined more than ever to get it right the third time.

When she isn't at school she is online at a website, Through the light.com. A site for people just like her. Who are sick of living, those who are looking for peace. Daelyn counts down the days until her next attempt, her final attemtp. Day by day she plots it out; how, when and where. All the basics. She slowly shuts herself out from the world around her and closes herself from her parents. No one cares, no one matters, nothing matters because it will all be over soon. That is the unsaid motto she adopts.

No one cares about her, she is invisible at least when she is not being picked on. Or so she thinks until Santana comes and sits on her bench and day by day squirms a little more into her thoughts and tries to know her life. That is something Daelyn can't understand. Why? No one talks to her out of the goodness of their heart. No one is kind to her. No one cares about her enough to ask her. Santana is a mystery that raises feelings Daelyn is trying to convince herself that she doesn't have. As her DOD (Date of Death) day grows closer Daelyn finds herself choosing. Is it truly too late to let some one into her life?

The whole story builds up to a suspenseful end that, in my opinion didn’t give what the body of the book had promised. It left a open end for the reader to wonder did she or didn’t she. Ack! Did Daelyn choose to find peace or did she choose to back out and live with what was done to her.

This is a great addition to the contemporary YA shelf. It raises awareness to a problem that is all too neatly glossed over at times when it is needed to be brought to light, bullying and its effects. Peters paints a portrait on just what bullying and a unheard voice can do to a human soul.

3 black sheep! ! !

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What Sucks.

I'm truly dragging. I'm so tired and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. School is just kicking my butt and I feel like I am truly breaking a promise. To my Daddy and to myself.
When I study I don't know what I am doing wrong, it isn't like I'm not trying. Am I trying hard enough? I am not use to feeling like I'm stupid. I'm not.
I'm not use to teachers who don't at least try to encourage sometimes. I'm not use to crying in public. I'm not use to feeling so out of my element. I'm not use to failure and it sucks that it seems like that is all I am able to do.
Nursing School is just. . .there are no words to express how much like drowning this feels like. I don't like not being able to breathe and I don't know who does. I don't know what I am going to do but I do know one thing if nothing else, I am not going to quit.